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Bla Bla Bla [13 Oct 2002|06:11pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Just sittin here. Talking to meagan on the internet and decided that I should update, since it has been like a month.

Well swim pre-season just started. I dunno if i want to swim on the team... its just kinna pain in the ass. I dont even like to compete, but its kinna like i dont have a choice. Plus I need to knock off the pounds. so i dunno.

on another note. My boyfriend hasn't called all day and it is 6. Wonder where he is. Probably at home, doing homework or playing playstation and doesnt bother to call me.

well a couple nights ago he and i were talking and he was like jeff wick asked me if i was going to marry you one day, and i was like nope! and he always joked around about like breaking up with me after we graduate... but uh, he's serious. so i have been hurt over that. Cause not like i say all the time, we are gunna get married. but i dont want him to leave my side and if that takes us to marrage then that is wonderfull. But i guess that is never going to happen. It just sucks to know that my future is going to be without him, but that isn't something i have any control over. I can cry all i want but that isn't going to make him stay with me.

well i really dont have anything else to talk about.

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Updating [13 Sep 2002|05:15pm]
Well, i havent been on in a while to update. alot of shit has been goin on. And school is just busy as hell.

To start off with. We had an car accident at our school with a guy named TJ that had graduated last year. he was on the way home from his girlfriends house when he spun out of control, hit a tree backwards, and was dead on the scene. It was horrible to think that someone could be gone so fast when you just saw them. everyone at school was just kind of blue for a few days... but i think finally people are realizing that it is going to be okay. the funeral was tuesday and about the entire junior and senior classes went. hopefully this will be a lesson and WHS wont have to loose any more students to stupid things.

Not much else has been goin on. I have been going to the soccer games. Bern is doing sooo good this year : ), i am so proud of my baby. Psychology is fun this far, we just sit around in a circle and talk about our life, then today we went of a field trip. Then homecoming is Sept. 29th... i am not too thrilled but i am kinna excited to get a dress and all that good stuff. its something that strays from the normal and that is really fun around here.

Oh yah, last weekend i went to a party with bernie out at the the bluffs. well uh, my mom found out that i wasnt where i told her i would be. And well i kinna got in trouble. she said that she just doesnt want me lying to her anymore and to actually tell her where i am incase of an emergency.

thats about all in my lil exciting life for now.
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Hurt in many ways [23 Aug 2002|04:10pm]
[ mood | rejected ]

Well today was a normal day. it was the first Friday of our days back. things have been going okay... i mean, come on, its school. So it cant be all that great. my classes turned out not to be a total flop over. i ended up droping weights then i took body works, which is like an aerobics class. so its alot better then getting all ripped : ).

Since about three days ago, on tuesday, ashley left me at the school. she claimed that i was talking to bernie at his locker, she was yelling at me... and i didnt talk back so she assumed that he was giving me a ride home. even though she knows that he has soccer every day after school, and that she is my ride home. so i go out to the parking lot thinking that she is probably waiting at her car for me. and well... she wasnt there. i was like OMG! so i looked around for her car, and i saw her and rachael speed off. I was soooo fucking pissed. so i saw another one of my friends and she brought me home.

so i get home and call ashleys house and leave a message. she gets home like 5 mins later and doesn't really say anything. then i was like uh bitch, you left me at school. and then she made up this bullshit about how she was talking to me or whatever. so i told my ma what is goin on, and she said to just get a ride home with someone else. so i rode home with ashley another day, then i decided to ditch her and rachael for anything. then we go to lunch the next day and she is like, "Rachael, can you believe Jaime got all pissed when we left her at school the other day." I was like OMFucking GOD what the hell is wrong with you!!! do you not realize that, that is really mean to do to someone.

so today i got a ride home with christina. then ashley calls like 10 minutes after i get home and says she looked all over the school for me for 25 minutes. which who knows if she was lying or not. then i was like well i have just decided to get a ride home with christina from now on... and she was all ookay. She was all, are you pissed? and i said no, but she has done some shitty stuff to me this week. and she was like "OKAY so i forgot you once at school... you would have just said 'O, sorry we all make mistakes' and got over it, and now you are pissed at me." So i was like what the fuck ever ashley, just go. She keeps changing her story, first it is that she was yelling my name, then it is that she just forgot... so i think she should get her lie straight.

well i tried to go over to her house to work things out. tell her that i dont know how much she truly cares about me as a friend. if she isnt going to wait for me after classes, and she isnt going to wait for me after school. i have always thought things like that were no brainers for best friends, but i guess all along i have been the fool. I guess what i thought of to be best friends isn't there.

its hard to think for 6 years of your life that you have someone by your side, then one day you realize the only one who has been by your side is you. i feel stupid for thinking that we had something beyond other friends... but there isn't. i guess it had to happen sometime, truth sucks, but its better now then wait another 6 years.

so i am on a mission to make more close friends. maybe we had been friends for so long just because there was no one else to lean on, i was kinna shy. i am going to just be open to people, be who i am... and hang out with who ever.

atleast i know who i want to keep for life is by my side, and this time i know it. he's wonderfull, and if i loose him then wow.... i would just have to move for something. start a new life where i am not the fool. but that wont happen : )..

well i am out for now.

meag- e-mail me!

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my little trip [12 Aug 2002|03:27pm]
Well i went on a camping trip for 4 days. It was pretty fun. We went to Gurnsey, Wyoming. The lake was pretty big, i was really surprised too cause... yah know.. its wy. They had soft sand near the beaches and the selmers brought their jet ski... so we rode that all day long. Then I would just lay out in the sun and relax. It was really fun. But I wish Bernie would have been more excited to convince his parents into letting him go. Oh well though.

I start school in about a week. It sucks really really really bad!!! And my schedule is all messed up and I have all these stupid classes... its not gunna be fun. Plus its gunna be wayyy hot in the school, fuuuuun. I dont have much else to say...
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messing around [07 Aug 2002|12:19am]
[ mood | aggravated ]

okay well i made another pic on here and i have no idea how to get to it, or make it a different pic when i post... someone help! : /

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ITS MY BIRTHDAY [05 Aug 2002|12:36pm]
well happy birthday me! yes i am finally the BIG 16... it took about forever. and not everyone else is turning the big 17... but oh well.

so my boyfriend came over this morning at like 8 and brought me a rose and wished me happy birthday... it was so sweet : " ). i have never gotten a flower from a boy before... he woke me up and was just like happy birthday hunny. it was very cute!

then i opened my gift from my parents... they got me a leather coat!!! i could not believe it. i have wanted one for so long, but my mom always says that i dont need one. i was wayyy excited, now i cant wait till winter : )

aside from that. i think we are gunna go to the mall shopping. then out to dinner. he wants to go to a movie too, but i dunno about that.. its an awfull lot of money for all that. so we will see what happens...

then lets see. oh yah my mom asked me if we have had sex yet last night.... uh yah, it was a little embarissing. i was like "i am not telling you something like that." then she was all well i guess that means yes. so this morning i told her that bern and i were going out to dinner, and she was all well maybe i wanna go... ugh, she is so retarted. she probably is all paranoid now that we are having mad sex everywhere we go... stupid parents.

but i am gunna go get in the shower. concidering that its almost one and i am still sitting on my stanky ass.. hehe
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this fucking thing!!!! [30 Jul 2002|10:36pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

i typed a whole new entry in, then it quit on me... ugh sometimes i just want to beat this mac!

well i will start where i started the other one i guess....

not much has happened since i last updated.

i went to water world last friday and when i was letting this lady in the car i went to shut the sliding door on the side of the van. well stupid me! i slammed my fingers in the door. then didnt realize it for like 5 seconds. i am sooo retarted sometimes. i shut all four of them in there on my right hand. thank god only the first finger got hurt. it was just swollen and bruised... i would have to say that i got off pretty lucky : )

oh yah! and i saw jim carey and josh lane at water world. i swear, that jim carey. all he does it smoke weed. he always used to tell me when we worked together "i am just gunna take a year off college"... but its been more then a year since i last worked with him, and he is still doin the same thing. kinna funny but sad at the same time. he did absolutely nothing with his life this far... hehe

well bern is going off to some gay mormon camp this weekend that his parents are makin him go to. but he says it beats going to work, which they also make him do. my poor baby, everynight he is just exhaused from working all day in the hot sun. and then he comes home and has to do bids and more shit for them. then he goes running with his friends for 2 hours. i feel so helpless. its like i cant do anything to make his life not suck so bad. i get to see him for like 2 hours every couple of days, but thats it cause he is always doing something. its really bad right now... but school is coming soon then we can see eachother every day.

becides all the fun, exciting stuff, i am just working and hangin out with myself. gettin ready for school to start, and oh yah! my birthday is in just 6 days, then i finally will be 16! yay...

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i am upset [23 Jul 2002|02:36pm]
okay, well yes i got the new dave cd. and i knew i had heard alot of those songs before, i just never knew that he had made them into a cd. then raigh left me a comment saying that those songs are the ones on Lillywhite sessions. Its the cd that he made in spring 2000...
so now i am upset. i knew i had heard those songs before. i just think if dave is going to keep the fans up with the new stuff, that he should make more songs and not fuckin make a cd that he made the songs 2 years previous. i love dmb and all... but if they are gunna make a new cd, atleast make them new songs. people spend hundreds of dollars buying his stuff, going to his concerts, buying cd's... the least he could do is make new songs. this really upsets me.. alot. but the cd is still good, just wish it could have been new and original. the only new part about it is that its called busted stuff, instead of lillywhite sessions, it has less songs, and it has a concert of him in colorado. at folsum field (sp?) in boulder..

well i am out.
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I GOT IT!!! [22 Jul 2002|05:05pm]
[ mood | amused ]

well yes, today i went and bought the DMB Busted stuff cd. its awesome! I LOVE DAVE! i wanted to get it the day it came out... but no car, it kinna stalls my plans sometimes. okay and on the cd, it came with another cd that has video clips of him playing! and the songs on this cd are the ones he played at the concert i went to. dmb is soo amazing.. awww i love it!

so if you are reading this and wondering if you should go get busted stuff. first of all you are crazy for even asking such a silly question. but yes go get it, its a good one : ) just along with the rest. alot of the songs are ones that he has been playing for a couple years live, but he has just now recorded them.

i think my favorite song should be... all of them! i like um all.... well i am gunna go listen to some more dave now. i just thought i should share how awesome this new cd was! and how excited i was. bye bye : )

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<3 love <3 [06 Jul 2002|11:50pm]
[ mood | listless ]

well i hung out with my boyfriend today. we just cleaned out his dirty ass truck. ewww, it was so muddy. but now it looks better. nice n shiny.

since the fourth of july my boyfriend hadnt said that he loved me. i know that he truly does love me more than anything... and i feel the same exact way about him. but it just kina hurts my feelings that he hadnt said it. he says it when it means the most, which is a wonderfull thing. he says it when we are being intimate and that makes me feel amazing. but its kinna nice sometimes to hear a little "i love you" before parting. i kinna was on an edge before he left because he hadn't said it all day. so i called him on his cell to ask him if he hit a car on his way out, cause i thought he had nuddged it. then i kinna told him that something was bothering me. and well then i told him what it was. i felt bad because i know it wasnt that big of a deal. if i know he loves me then that should be enough. then he started on the whole deal of how i can never be pleased. i dont know how to tell him that even though i worry about things, and get mad sometimes that having him in my life makes me happier then anything. and even if he never told me he loved me. i'd be very upset... yes i would.... but knowing that i have him in my life makes me a happy person.

its so hard sometimes to say the right thing. i always end up saying, "well i am mad at you." which isn't what i mean. i mean to say that it crossed my mind, and i realized something... but its nothing to throw a fuss about.

but what am i doing. i am sitting here typing... and not telling him what all i think. maybe now that i have written it down, or maybe cleared up what i really though i can tell him what i really ment.

right now i wish he would call just so i can tell him all this. i guess here goes another nights sleep. its funny how even if you try not to let something bother you, when you dont have much control over your emotions (such as when you sleep), it starts to bother you wether you like it or not.

i am just sitting here thinking. what if i had never met bern. i dont even know where i would be. people ask me... how did you meet. and its by pure luck. and how we are together now is by love. if he had been a prick and never forgiven me for all the faults that i had to get over... i would be no where. i am left speachless when it comes to how much he means to me and how lucky i feel. its like this un-describable feeling of bliss.

when i am around him i feel like a better person. perhaps that is one of the reasons i love him so much. there are so many... half of them are yet to be discovered. but i know that even when he is pissed at me, and i still love him just as much as when he's not.... its something that has to last. it's not something that can ever leave me.

yet the funny thing is. i cant even describe what the word love really is. for me it is : bernie. but in words i cant tell a stranger what love is... all i would be able to say is... "amazing"

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i am back [30 Jun 2002|02:58pm]
[ mood | tired ]

well, well. I left for Atlanta, GA on the 22nd. O yes.... thats right. I showed up at meagans house and surprised her. It was sooo fun! She had no idea that i was coming. Then on monday we left for Cancun. What a good time. It was fun to hang out with her again. Its like she had never moved away... nothing really changed and thats so wonderfull to know : ) We layed out in the sun, drank too much, and had a great time! Also made many memories never to forget.

Its sad to be home and know that I wont see them for a while... It was good spending time together though. Its nice to be home and get to see my family and my friends. I havent seen bernie yet and i am just about going crazy. Everynight i would dream about him... its like when i am away from him, thats all i can think about. Its fun to be away, but I just hate being away from him, being able to see him all he time and talk whenever I want. As soon as i got my luggage in the car i called him. I couldnt wait!

well i am gunna go catch a nap... very tired i am... too many late nights!!!

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o baby its a wild world [19 Jun 2002|04:50pm]
I just downloaded another song. its by cat stephens "o baby its a wild world"... That one lyric reminds me of how meagan moved. I cant wait to see her and spend time with her. Its like all the times I got in fights with her I now regret. I am hoping when she is done with school that she will come down here to go to college. But then again, I don't even know where I want to go.

My friend is going to take pictures and the park so that she can make a portfolio for some modeling thing. I guess like you go to this modeling place and they tell you if you can model for stuff. I guess I am jealous because I dont feel that I could ever, ever model for anything. I just wish i was pretty enough to do that. But then again... i am the kinna person who just likes to be natural. i dont like being fake, which i why i would probably never model.

I think i am gunna go do sumthin, dont know what yet. Bye bye
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chattin with myself [17 Jun 2002|11:49am]
well hey. i havent talked here in a while. i have been doin better since that whole selfist incident. i guess i have been realizing that i can be that way sometimes, i am just retarted and we all have a lil selfish bone in our body.

last night my boyfriend came over. he said that he thinks i am the one. and i think he is too. but its scary to say that when i am not even 16 yet. its like i am saying that he is the only person i need for the rest of my life. but that is what i feel. i think about all the other fallen highschool relationships that kids have said this millions of times to eachother... but i truly mean it. its like i wake up everymorning and knowing that i have him in my life makes me a better person. its like i never think about us not being together cause i can't imagine a life without him. i have had other boyfriends that i thought were "love" but i am not realizing that i thought this cause they were my boyfriend. i just tossed the word love around like it was nothing and said it because i thought it made a relationship stronger. i never ment it before this.... but, its different this time around. i dont tell bern that i love him to make the relationship stronger. i say it because i mean it. its like everything we say to eachother never really has to be said. we both know what is going to be said that what we are feeling. i can lay there and feel something amazing, i guess it is a sort of one in a kind bond. i love this feeling and i never want it to leave. for as far as i can imagine it doesnt ever have to end. i have found someone who is truly amazing in every way. he is the perfect man. if i put together all the parts of a person that make them perfect... all i can come out with is him, and to know that i have him to my own makes me feel like the luckiest person in the entire world. even when we have fights i know that we will overcome them. it may seem like the end of the world at the time because i hate to be mad at him, but it always ends up good. i think the fights are not as bad if i learn something from them that will make me a better person. i have found someone that i can give all of my heart to and trust him with it, and receive the same ammount of love and affection back.

i am going to go catch some rays outside. maybe go jogging.

love always,

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Diggin a Ditch [13 Jun 2002|12:02pm]
[ mood | guilty ]

Well I have found out that the person i have been, is someone who is selfish and doesn't care about other people. I have always thought i was caring, and a good person. I thought i took other peoples thoughts in with myne... and how they felt. But this far I have been told different.

It hurts the most when it comes from someone who you deeply care about and love with the world. My boyfriend. He told me that I only care about myself and what I think. I never care about what he feels. I am naive to what others feelings are.

I guess I owe an apology to all these people I have been talking to this far. I don't know how long I have been like this. But I never realized that I have been this way... i am sorry.

It feels like everything I thought was good in myself this far has all been told to be fake... a lie to myself, i guess it would be. I feel so stupid, and embarrassed to be me. I don't think i have ever felt this way before. I feel like being me is a bad thing. For once in my life i have been told the up most truth without any candy coating on it. And it kills me. I feel guilty to cry about it, and i feel guilty even talking about how sad i am. But this way no one has to listen to me. Only the keyboard. And well of course anyone who reads it. But I doubt they will. This is all for now.

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Hershys Syrup [11 Jun 2002|11:23am]
[ mood | happy ]

Yes sweetie, i titled this one for you ; )....

Well meg is coming down to visit!! I am so excited. Meg when you see this e-mail me asap. : )

Becides that, i was thinking about them dave fans out there. When i went to the concert i was really dissapointed. There are fans like me that have liked him before he became popular. Dave is one of a kind and there are all these people out there who just listen to him because they heard his new popular song out on the radio. Then they are like "omg I looove dave." Which is gay cause how can they love him if they listen to him cause he is popular. So all you out there who "love" dave and you have listened to his music for like a few months, give it up!! People like you are the ones who ruin artists....

On another note... mashy is comin home today. Maybe we will go up to old town tonight and hang out. I called my manager and asked her for the days off that megan is going to come down here, and she said that is fine. I was really glad. Well i better go get dressed for the day, then i am prolly gunna go lay out in the sun.

Much Love- Jaime

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how old i am?? [07 Jun 2002|03:05pm]


I act like I'm 23.
This test was brought to you by Melissa - No, really.... Take it here.

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Sittin [07 Jun 2002|02:34pm]
[ mood | worried a little ]

Well i am just sittin around. I already wrote an entry, was almost done, then my computer was all "AOL has Unexpectidely Quit." So here i am, typing it again.

I went and got a job app from Tokyo Bowl today. So i think i have found a new summer job, that is... if they hire me. It sucks though, cause you have to either wear long shorts (which i dont have) or pants. And they dont have an airconditioner there! So its gunna be kinna hot workin.

I went and watered ashleys flowers for like 45 mins. I never knew it could take so long. When i watered some there was buggies flying out of them! It was so gross, and moth landed on my leg and made me gross...

Oh yah, my boyfriend was supposed to call me at like midnight last night... i waited till 12:30, no phone call still. Then i just closed my eyes and passed out. Then this morning i woke up and realized that he hadn't even called me in the morning. So i have no idea what is going on, i hope everything is alright.

I am done ramblin on for now...

Love always,

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Sittin [07 Jun 2002|02:34pm]
[ mood | good ]

Well i am just sittin around. I already wrote an entry, was almost done, then my computer was all "AOL has Unexpectidely Quit." So here i am, typing it again.

I went and got a job app from Tokyo Bowl today. So i think i have found a new summer job, that is... if they hire me. It sucks though, cause you have to either wear long shorts (which i dont have) or pants. And they dont have an airconditioner there! So its gunna be kinna hot workin.

I went and watered ashleys flowers for like 45 mins. I never knew it could take so long. When i watered some there was buggies flying out of them! A moth landed on my leg and made me gross!! Ugh i hate them things.

Oh yah, my boyfriend was supposed to call me at like midnight last night... i waited till 12:30, no phone call still. Then i just closed my eyes and passed out. Then this morning i woke up and realized that he hadn't even called me in the morning. So i have no idea what is going on, i hope everything is alright.

I am done ramblin on for now...

Love always,

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bored [05 Jun 2002|04:33pm]
well summers in. I babysitt about 4 days a week, and get paid 15 dollars per day. Which means i make about $1.70... which is why i am in search for another job.

here's the deal. my brother works at tokyo bowl and he asked his manager if i could get a job there... she said yes. The only thing is that i might have to work until 10 at night. That means that i would only get to see my boyfriend when i didnt work, cause he works from 7 in the morning to 7 at night. So its kinna like i am stuck. So i dont know what i am gunna do. Perhaps i can convince the lady into only letting me work the day hours from like 10-3. But that probably won't happen. UGH!

Well becides the whole job bullshit i am just sittin around. My best friend is leaving for Columbus, Ohio for a week. So if my boyfriend is busy i am left with no one to hang out with... which sucks. I think we need better people to hang out with in windsor. I had this friend Christina but she like follows every word her parents say, so when i want to do something fun... she has to sit at home and watch movies and do little kid things.

well i have to go now. have to go to talk to my brother. talkt o ya lata.
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I'm back [01 Jun 2002|02:33pm]
Well i just got in today, at about 11:30 from Orlando. It was good times and HOT! It is like 90 out and it feels 100 because it is so humid out. But it was nice. I got to go to disney world, sea world, blizard beach, universal studios, and daytona beach. So we were always running. I also got to spend almost an entire week with my boyfriend. Most people would think that i would have got in a fight with him, or get sick or him, but if anything i liked him more. I liked knowing that when I woke up i could see him : ). It was a really amazing feeling. But his little brothers and sisters got anoying... but then again they are young, so i guess you can't blame them. Well i am going to go take a nap and wait for Bern to make it home, and see when Ashley is going to be home. Love ya all, Jaime

Oh yah, and meagan... lemme know about the whole going to Florida thing. I don't think that i should come on the fourth because I am expected to go to Nebraska... cause I already told them all i was coming. So like the week after, or before... would be awesome. thanks. Love ya!
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